All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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