I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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