He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
