I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
