No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
