Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
