I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize