why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
