Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
