there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
