Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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