Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
