Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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