There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
