just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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