PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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