how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
