Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he shaved USA in his pubs
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
