is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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