i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize