We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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