You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
