So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
