I'm gonna have a badass scar
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
