Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
