It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
