I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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