Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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