She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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