First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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