I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
