Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
