Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
