Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
