Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
