Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
