apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
