week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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