It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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