Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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