So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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