I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
