After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize