Jerry, you need to find god
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
