I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
