then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
