get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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