I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize