He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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