You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
