No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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