I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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