Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
3pm strippers are depressing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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