he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
