I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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