Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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