we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
