last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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