Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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