i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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