wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
