She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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